Fire On Your Head

Why I am a “The Message-Only” Advocate

I’ve met a few people in life who are staunch advocates of the KJV and believe that it is the only inspired translation of the Bible, despite the original Greek, Hebrew and Aramaic being the languages the Bible was originally written in. Yet, there are weird arguments out there where people seriously believe that other people are not as close to God as them unless they read the same translation of the Bible – The King James Version.

I have had preferences as to what translation of the Bible I read, but I’ve never become “New International Version only” or “English Standard Version only” or anything like that. So I don’t understand why the KJV gets such a reputation and following of people who will ONLY read it and nothing else.

When I was in Pensacola, I had a girl from Canada message me on ICQ (I used to use it years ago). She saw in my profile that I was from Canada and attending school in the same city in Florida as her, and wanted to know what school it was I was attending. She was going to Pensacola Christian College, which makes no bones whatsoever about how anyone who has different theology than them is a cult (Click here and notice the last few paragraphs of their statements of faith—charismatics not welcome!). Anyway, she asked me questions about the Brownsville Revival and if I’d ever been slain in the Spirit, to which I replied no and told her my experiences up to that point. The fruit in my life of being free from the bondage of pornography and lust didn’t matter—I was clearly damned to hell because I didn’t read the KJV. Anyway, she later tells me on New Year’s Eve a week later or so that she was back in Niagara Falls, Canada, about to go out drinking, partying and clubbing. Man, I wish I could have attained such a salvation where if only I read the KJV, I would be able to go to heaven as well, and engage in all the sin I wanted to and not worry about living a holy life! Maybe I was starting to understand this salvation by King James instead of King Jesus.

Where did this KJV-only club start? I don’t know. But after the last 4 years or so since first encountering these individuals in the streets witnessing wearing suits in the 90F humid Pensacola sun, and screaming and damning everyone from their street corners letting them know they are going to hell if they don’t listen—all this has really made me question why I believe what I believe, and if I’m really saved since after all, I do not read the only “authorized English translation” of the Bible.

So what is it that I should feel like my salvation is lacking if I don’t read the KJV? Is it true that King James was gay himself? Is it true that the original 1611 version is nothing like the version we have today? Don’t get me wrong, I have a copy of this translation in my collection, but I really feel all translations are of the devil and not inspired by God at all.

Except of course, The Message, by Eugene Peterson.

Clearly Eugene Peterson is a man sent from heaven, on a divine and prophetic mission from God to give His people the true translation of the Bible that they’ve always been lacking. The Lord had always been intending for English speakers to have the true translation of His Word, and clearly everyone else will have to learn English in order to benefit from it. In fact, until we change our collective English slang yet again and other words disappear from the English language over time again, we will have the most pure form of the Bible in our language.

At least until another translation comes along.

Just look & compare the following of Psalm 1:

KJV:

Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.
But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.
And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.
The ungodly are not so: but are like the chaff which the wind driveth away.
Therefore the ungodly shall not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous.
the LORD knoweth the way of the righteous: but the way of the ungodly shall perish.

The Message:

How well God must like you– you don’t hang out at Sin Saloon, you don’t slink along Dead-End Road, you don’t go to Smart-Mouth College.
Instead you thrill to GOD’s Word, you chew on Scripture day and night.
You’re a tree replanted in Eden, bearing fresh fruit every month, Never dropping a leaf, always in blossom.
You’re not at all like the wicked, who are mere windblown dust–
Without defense in court, unfit company for innocent people.
GOD charts the road you take. The road they take is Skid Row.

It should be noted, that I only used red font for the Message’s quotation, since it is the only translation that deserves to be put in a different font, unlike the King James perversion.

It should be clear to everyone that God likes those of us who “don’t hang out at Sin Saloon” and don’t go to “Smart-Mouth College.” How on earth could King James, nearly 400 years ago, have any idea that that was the originally intended meaning of those verses, since we didn’t develop those terms and slang until in recent decades of our generation?

Sheesh, it should be clear already by now, guys.

Secondly, why is the English translation of the Bible the only one that translates the book of Jacob as the book of James? Could it be because King James wanted a book named after him in the Bible? I do not see a “book of Eugene” anywhere in The Message.

I rest my case.

KJV-only advocates try stating that their translation soundly condemns homosexuality, while the others (specifically the NIV) beat around the bushes and don’t come right out and say it. But this is clearly false, and the Message does a better job than even the KJV.

Examples:

KJV: 1 Corinthians 6:9-10

“Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.”

The Message:

“Don’t you realize that this is not the way to live? Unjust people who don’t care about God will not be joining in his kingdom. Those who use and abuse each other, use and abuse sex, use and abuse the earth and everything in it, don’t qualify as citizens in God’s kingdom.”

How can Eugene Peterson make it any clearer than that?

KJV: 1 Timothy 1:10

“For whoremongers, for them that defile themselves with mankind, for menstealers, for liars, for perjured persons, and if there be any other thing that is contrary to sound doctrine”

The Message:

“sex, truth, whatever!”

Clear, straightforward, condemnation of the homosexual lifestyle. I don’t know what KJV-advocates think they have on this pure translation of Peterson’s.

I think those two passages give a good example of why the Message is clearly a superior translation of the Bible, above and beyond the KJV or any other translation, in any other language there is.

So next time you run into some KJV only Bible advocate, standing on a street corner in the sweating hot Pensacola or Charlotte sun, condemning you for not being saved, just tell them you don’t just read any translation of the Bible, but you read The Message.

[For those of you hung up on a particular translation of the Bible to the exclusion of all the others: be ye hung.

Otherwise, if you've read this far, know that the entire entry was a joke--there is no such thing as an inspired translation!]